My Dearest Lethallan
by Twi-chick34
Summary: After the disappearance of Tamlen, he makes another appearance before his Lethallan. What were his thoughts before coming to her? Read to find out! One Shot story only.


**My Dearest Lethallan...**

She was beautiful, my heart raced thousands of beats per minute at the slightest though or mention of her.

Even as young children, she and I would always want to be together. Now that she and I were older, the romantic aspect of our relationship was beginning to build.

It wasn't long after that I noticed how much I liked her, that I knew that I wanted her to be my life partner... I knew that today would be the day, that after our adventures around the perimeter of camp, that I would want to ask her.

I could just imagine our lives together. Her being my wife, perhaps one day the mother to our offspring.

I smiled to myself, imagining her in the elven wedding dress, it hugging her body tightly in all the right places.

Milaneku was her name. Her name was as beautiful and enchanting as her appearance and personality. Her hair was as red as a dark rose. Her skin alabaster, and her eyes; the color of the sea itself. I wanted her to be with me until the beyond called us home... but all of that came crashing down today. The day we entered the underground ruins.

Almost immediately after touching the mirror, the glass held my gaze as a horrifying beast's eyes bore into my soul.

Within seconds, I could feel a hot searing pain rush through my body. This wasn't good... the disease struck me. I couldn't stay, I would become an abomination!

As the months went by, despite the overtake of the taint, I thought of my precious Lethallan. Thinking of the very day where she finally admitted her feelings to me.

My pain... I wanted to die. There was no cute for me now. I was doomed, a ticking time bomb...

My yearning for release from the pain, leading me right to her, to my dearest Lethallan.

Seeing her again hurt me, knowing I could never have her.

She was speaking with a shem... kissing him... She had found love?

Both grief and joy filled me, just before the song... the dreaded song began to play in my head...

"_KILL THE GREY WARDENS!"_

The lull of the tune tried to pull me in, to hurt the one I cared for most.

I fought and watched as she and her group slaughtered the shrieks.

I loved her, I didn't want to hurt her. I wanted to end this.

With haste, I appeared before her, "You... Lethallan!" I said, trying to use my voice. My voice was so hoarse and sick.

"Tamlen?! Is that you?!" Her voice sang in joy.

_'KILL HER!' _The taint boiled hotter. I had to beg her to end me, no matter how much it me to do so.

"Don't... look at me! I'm sick!"

"We can help you, Tamlen. Don't be afraid." She said, her voice angelic in my ears. I begged that I could turn back time, never go into the ruins...

_'KILL THEM!' _The voice demanded.

"No help. No help for me! The song... in my head. It calls to me! He sings to me! I can't stop it!"

I watched as her expression saddened, tears welling in her eyes. She still loved me, as I loved her.

"Don't want... to hurt you, Lethallan... Please... Stop me..." I begged, feeling the will of the darkspawn taint begin to win. I felt tears roll down my rotting face as tears fell down her beautiful face.

She looked up at me, her voice full of regret. "I wish we'd never found that cave."

'Me too.'

With all of my strength, all I could muster was, "Always... loved you." I could see the look of shock on her shem lovers face. "I'm so sorry."

And with her merciful strike, it was all over. The taint, the pain, the internal fire, it had all disappeared.

But despite my body being dead, my soul lingered, perhaps to protect my Lethallan, to watch over her.

I watched as Milaneku buried me in the traditional dalish way, it made me happy but I was sad as I watched her, doubled over in sadness as she prayed over my grave.

In that moment, I couldn't help but feel as if she could feel as if she could feel my soul with her, feel me. I had to tell her it was all okay.

As she looked up, I knew than she could feel me, hopefully hear me. I could see flashbacks, our drunken nights by the fire, leaning into each other under the stairs, loving one another. She needed to know that all would be okay.

"Somethings lost can never be found... Some mistakes never unmade..." I gritted my teeth at the memory of the ruins. "What happened in those ruins holds no power over you. You have remained strong. Those that survive must go on living." You have suffered enough," I couldn't help but to reach out, missing the feeling of touching her. "Thinking that you could have done something." I could feel the pain in my heart as I said my final words to her. "It is time to leave that behind."

Leaning in; even though I knew she wouldn't feel it, I would cherish it; I placed a loving kiss on her forehead. 'I Love You Lethallan.'

I could feel my grip on the mortal world was beginning to fade. My body had began to feel lighter, my mind could feel at ease. Had I done it? Protected Lethallan, helped her move on?

I looked towards the shem next to her, gently rubbing her shoulder and placing a kiss on her cheek before walking away to give her space.

"Thank you Milaneku. My dearest Lethallan, may you find eternal happiness and love."

And with that, I closed my eyes, I was finally ready to let go, allowing the beyond to embrace me.

**"I will always love you."**

_*Thank you for reading this. I want to give credit to "Sarah Cousland" from youtube. Though of course I used my game character. Her fan video of "Dragon Age, "The Last Goodbye." The romance between Tamlen and the female dalish is so sad. I always wished I could save Tamlen!*_


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